All month I have been wondering what January wants from me exactly.
My mom said, “Leah, January doesn’t want anything from you.”, but I am not sure about that.
After the dissolvent into merriment last month, it is a chance to reorient, while being informed by those warm festive feelings. There is space to chose what follows after the shedding of decorations.
However, I feel fraught with mixed messages. Go slowly and also go for it; clarify expectations while being ready for more of the same. Plant some wild dreams, and also you know - reality. I feel the gap of the in between throughout your days.
And also, snow!
I find a scrawled note from last year : January is a time to set the tone.
Well it took nearly half the month, but I landed on a word to guide me : SUPPORTED. The feeling of having the wind at my back, of having my own back, of being a support to others.
I am aware of the structures I have to create in order to feel that support, and my inclination to do otherwise. It is all a practice for showing up for myself, with a softness and ease, like the way a fern unfurls. Embodying the slow cadence that naturally reveals. An inevitable commitment.
January, you invite a curiosity about my values, and how I prioritize them - and you beg me to do more living in that question, rather than solving it to move on. There is no need for answers, and perhaps that is the tension. I am looking for them, and there are none to be found. They just softly appear in the choices I make.
So maybe, just this one time, my Mom was right (kidding ;) ) : January doesn’t want anything from me. Rather she invites me to be curious about the space that exists before the flowers appear, and asks what choices do I make.
As the month draws to a close, I see how the intention of feeling supported is already present in my life, from a new pair of sneakers, to relationships, and the myriad of ways I get to support myself. The noticing deepens the magic.